My rights, Her rights, His rights . What about Allahs rights

Asalamu alikum wa Rahmatulahi wa Barakatuhu 

Yes my rights ... her rights and his rights ....is this what polygyny is all about what about the right of our creator ..Do we truly give those rights to him ... we get so caught up with our going ons in this life which is just a passing moment that we forget who is over all things

We do not give Allah his rights because if we did then we would not question why he does what he does why he choose you to be in polygyny ..why he gave you this test ...Instead we argue .fight ... name call ... make trouble for one another ..we question everything Allah puts in front of us

We should be grateful that he choose us we should be grateful that he is testing us ..as we know that Allah only test those he loves 

If you want your rights then give Allah his rights worship him the way he needs to be worshiped ..keep Allah on your tongues remember him day and night ..remember this life is like a blinking eye it goes by so quick .. the next life is what we are looking for and remember in that we will meet our creator and we will be answerable for all we did and those right that we complained about wont be asked about but we will be asked about what we did in this life

Life Plans do Changed

Asalamu alikum

We Plan but Allah also plans

We go through life trying to decide what is best for us and what we want in this life in order to prepare our selves for the next life but the reality is these plans dont always go the way you want

When going into polygyny esp when you are open to it and have a good communication with your husband and you sit down and decide how you would like the next step to proceed in taking that journey into polygyny and both of you are on board but then something happens and you find out the way you planned thing doesnt go that way .. for what ever reason it is it has taken a completely different road and way out of what you wanted   .. and now you wonder how to deal with this

the reality of the situation is that the way it went wasnt done in a bad way it was just part of Allahs plan ..so now you have to step back and allow Allah to show you his plan the reason maybe for this is that Allah is trying to spare you the fitna that may have come with the original plan so for this reason it is best to say Alhamdu lilah and trust in your maker that he knows best for you
 

Life is hard enough without always trying to make it harder and even if we feel that it is hard Allah he knows best and will test those of us he loves .. so open your arms to him and allow the test to take you to where Allah wants you to go 

Women We Are Our Own Worse Enemies

Asalamu alikum

Well the search goes on and maybe just maybe it isnt meant to be Allahu alum if it does happen i'm ready and if not i'm ready ...but as i sit here waiting to see what Allah will or will not place in my path i start to wonder why we women are our own worse enemies 

We want this life and all in it and we want the next life and if we dont get what we want we throw a fit ...now when it comes to polygyny women have become very good and throwing these fits and thinking ah he will stop everything because i do ... but really ladies do we even think of what Allah will do to us for acting in such a way 

I have been reading a few post on fb on blogs and other [place and one thing i seem to see alot of is women saying they will harm themselves if he takes another wife of they will take his kids and he will never see them again or even worse report them to the police ...really ladies is this the way to get what you want do you not think of the punishment you will get for doing this it may not happen in this life but defiantly in the next 

Do we not fear that Allah will not be pleased with us if we harm ourselves because of something he has allowed for his followers to do  ...do we not fear Allah for taking away the kids from our husband in order to punish him for what he is doing when in fact we will be the one to be punished ... and even worse do we not fear Allah for harming another muslim by involving police just so that we can stop what Allah made permissible ...

COME ON LADIES WE CAN DO BETTER THAN THIS

Our goal above all is jannah and doing all the above will not help you get their in fact it will delay it ... we really need to start trusting our creator and knowing what he place in our path is for our own good in order to help and prepare us for the next life

So think about it ladies do you want to be one of those Allah grants jannah to because you had subr when your husband took another wife or do you want the punishment of both this life and the next because you acted in a way that displeased your creator ...

IT'S TIME TO PUT YOUR THINKING CAPS ON AND CHOOSE WHAT YOU WANT FOR BOTH THIS LIFE AND THE NEXT

Polygyny ..is it really the problem

Asalamu Alikum

I was having thoughts the other day and was wondering to myself ..do we women ..wives really have a problem with polygyny for us to behave the way they do or is it a way to control the man ..knowing that some men are weak and all the want is quietness so they will do anything to keep the piece even if it means wives getting hurt ... i think if the man shows that he is the man these women wouldnt have the chance to play him ...

Now what i mean by men being week it is after they marry and have 2..3..4 wifes are making trouble and constant complaining to him and rather than deal with it he gives in ...which means that yes one or more of the wives get hurt 

Men who want polygyny need to learn and know that they are the man of the house and wither every woman agrees or not we all want that alpha male the one that takes control ...when things get out of control he needs to take a stand and show his wives who indeed is the boss ...because if not it only take a small opening of weakness and the women will jump on it

What it all boils down to is Allah made man the way he is wither we like it or not and he made women the way they are wither we like it or not ... placing trust in Allah before everything else will always get you by and these mind games we like to play with our men will seem so trivial ..and the love Allah will take over and with this love the love or our husband  will become stronger too

Questions ... questions ...or stay slient

Asalamu alikum

When that time comes and the man is deciding after meeting a potential wife wither he will go ahead ... he comes to his wife and talks to her he tells her that he found someone and is interested in her straight away the wife has a million of question to ask and her mind starts to ramble ... is this good for her or not is it better to stay silent ... she decides to just ask the simple question like name... age just the question to give her an idea of who this sister is

After this they get on with life .. but the shayatn is starting his job and placing so many more questions their .. questions that at the moment their isnt answers but he places them their knowing that if you keep asking them your husband may get annoyed ...so what to do

you need to seek refuge in Allah from the shyatan and not let his whispers get to you because the reality is it's not your problem ... the husband is the one that needs to deal with this as long as your right are been given and he isnt doing anything haram then it's best to stay silent

Just make dua that Allah gives the right person to help your family grow and prosper and that she will be a benefit  to you all .... and keep yourself to yourself like that your husband is happy and it make life easy for all

Same old same old

Asalamu alikum

It has been a while and nothing really to report ... hubby is still looking for another wife but also believe that Allah will give to him when and if he decides to ... we joke alot about it these days as their isnt any point in letting yourself going crazy and wondering when it will all happen 

i have indeed been blessed with many good sister and to the point i have been able to help in their problem with polygyny ... nobody ever said it was easy but i do believe that it depends on your relationship with Allah and those you connect yourself with ...if ppl are around you reminding you of Allah then the shyatan cant get himself in their 

Their are days that pass and i sometimes think that it will never come to pass and then their are days i think maybe soon ..but one thing i dont do is allow it to take over my life and my thoughts ..... i fill those spaces with remembrance of Allah  and as long as i do that Allah will be their for me no matter what

How much should we get Involved

Asalamu Alikum 

So how much is too much 

When a husband comes to his wife and tells her that he wants to remarry it can go many ways one of the ways it can go is that his wife is fine about it which leads the husband to ask her to help him in finding a wife and she agrees ... now this is where we ask how much is too much 

Some women use this as a way to control who he marries and hat happens within that marriage which can cause alot of fitnah and some women choose to only get involved when asked and that is to meet the sister and talk ..but even with this it can cause problem as their are women who dont like the fact the first wife is involved as they dont see it is her business as they are marring the man and not the wife 

But the problem here is that their are men out their that want to have their wives involved it's a way of helping her to come to terms with the whole polygyny thing and to make her feel wanted even if she wants this for him it still shows her that she's important 

It is up to the women if this is what she wants, when all wives are on board it can be a great thing it's a cause for sisterhood  and helping the family grow together and when all are upon the deen then their can be less fitnah

Their also should be limits set and those shouldnt be over stepped ... if the first wife is involved she should wan the best for her husband and want someone who will help him enter jannah not someone who is fatter or skinner than her who isnt beautiful who is bad within the deen as this wont help and may cause alot of friction in the marriage or both marriages .... when we allow shyatan to get into our head and place such ideas their we are asking for a disaster but when we place everything in Allahs hand and ask only for the best and want only the best ..thats when we come to realise that your husband will love you more and you will find that you wont be as involved in the process of him finding a wife 

With the experience i have gone through within my life in and out of polygyny i have come to believe that making a friendship with the sister is great but thats what it should be a friendship and not a way to control what goes on between them both ... if she comes and asks for advice then yes do give but put yourself out of the equation and see it form a sister to sister thing and not a wife to wife thing as this can cause you not to give the right advice

So in reality It is up to the ppl involved as to how much is too much

Why do some marriage dont work

Asalamu alikum

Why do marriage some breakdown and end up in divorce ...the answer to this is Allahu Alum ...Allah knows best as everything is in his hands 

Their are many reason as to why ... ppl fall out of love ... circumstance changes and many more reason ...one of the reason can be within the deen and that is from sihr ..ayn... and jinn ... and all of this will onlt work witht he permission of Allah  ...if your upon the haqq and doing everything Allah says for you to do ... like praying all salat on time and even doing the sunnah ones ..fasting .. reading quran everday .. saying your adkar every morning and evening  ...keeping yourself in wudu ..staying away form anything haram ... not watching certain things on tv .... not listen to music and so on 

If someone isnt doing this the only with what is written can sihr ..ayn and jinn afflict you ...and if you become afflicted it can lead to many problem .. like divorce ..as their are different types of magic that are place their to separated husband from wife and the jinn that come to help make this work will do everything to make it happen .... 

. Sihr of Separation
Allah (swt) says: (...and they follow what the Shayateens recited over Sulayman's Kingdom. Sulayman disbelieved not but the Shayateens disbelieved, teaching the people sorcery, and that which was sent down upon Babylon's two angels, Harut and Marut; they taught not any man, without they said, 'We are but a temptation; do not disbelieve.' From them they learned how they might divide a man and his wife, yet they did not hurt any man thereby, save by the leave of Allah (swt), and they learnt what hurt them and did not profit them, knowing well that whosoever buys it shall have no share in the world to come; evil then was that they sold themselves for; if they had but known.) (2:102)

Jabir (ra) reported that the Prophet (saw) said: "Iblis would lay his throne on water and would send his brigade of demons. The lowest among them in rank is the one who is most notorious in stirring up fitna. One of the demons would, after a mission, come and say to Iblis, 'I have done so and so.' Iblis would reply, 'You have not done anything.' Another one would come and say: 'I have not left such and such person until I separated him from his wife.' Iblis would come closer to his demon and say, 'How good you are.'" - (Muslim in An-Nawawi : 17/157)

Definition of Sihr of Separation
It is a Sihr which aims to separate between two spouses, or stir up hatred between two friends or two partners.

Symptoms of Sihr of Separation:
1. A sudden change in attitude from love to hate.
2. Exaggerating the causes of disputes between two people, even though they may be trivial.
3. Changing the mental image that a woman may have of her husband, or changing the mental image that a man may have of his wife; so that the man would see his wife in an ugly way, even though she were beautiful. In reality, it is the demon who is entrusted with the task of performing this type of Sihr is the one who would appear to the husband in her person, but in an ugly way. By the same token, the woman would see her husband in a horrible way.

4. The person affected by Sihr hates anything the other party does.
5.The person affected by Sihr hates the place in which the other party stays. For instance, a husband may be in good mood when he is outdoors, but when he returns home, he feels quiete depressed.
According to Al-Hafidh Ibn Kathir, the cause of separation between two spouses through this Sihr is that each of them appears to the other as an ugly or ill-mannered person. - (Tafsir lbn Kathir: 1/144)

these are just some of the thing that a person see or feels and the jinn will work on it till he reaches his goal

So before ending a marriage think well and see if their is any thing else their causing this ... it could be that finding something may help your marriage or it could be just the time is up and it is written for you not to continue in this marriage 

I do hope and pray that all of you will never have to go through stuff like this that your marriages will go from strength to strength

Always remember Allah and  and ask for his help first before everything else

How to go about polygyny

Asalamu Alikum

How to deal with polygyny

Well the time has come and he is looking for no 2/3/4 and you sit waiting to see if he has found her at this time shyatan will come to you and your mind will go with what he whispers ..you will start to  think what if's and placing yourself in a situation and wondering how it will work out ... this is the shyatans way to place doubts in your mid and trying to put a stop to it

The best thing to do is not even think about it let it be and get on with your normal life do your daily things and leave it in Allahs hands and when the time comes and he has found someone then you cantry to either get along with her or not ... 

And the time he is with her this is the time to find yourself and do things for yourself that you may have not been able to do before

Dont allow yourself to be engulf  in what is going on with them worry about your own marriage and the life you built with him ... yes i know that you wont see him as much but the time you do see him make it worth it

The emotions we go through

Asalamu alikum

So once you are told or you find out that he is intending to marry or has gone through with it your body fills with emotions ...some women will scream some will cry some will throw thing and some wont do nothing at all ... no matter what it is we all go through some type of emotions  it is how we deal with them is the answer 

I do believe that reaching out to Allah at times like this is the best way as he knows us better than we know ourselves cry if you need to but cry to Allah make dua ask him to take away the feelings your having the pain your feeling 

We will never understand why Allah made men this way but he did and now we need to try to get by by asking Allah to help us 

Even the most pro polygyny ppl can have those day where she feels like she wants to scream but knowing that this maybe the biggest test she will ever have is enough to know that Allah loves her to test her this way so we should all think in this way .... i know it is easier said than done and women are made with so much emotions that it takes over

But remember

Love yourself enough to Allow yourself to take this test head on

The Beginning

Asalamu alikum

I have started many blogs and in the end took them off as i found that maybe just maybe their was too much info out their and i need to respect certain ppl i also needed to change the way i spoke about my life and my family and polygyny in general

I found that when nothing was happening i had nothing to write so i will base this blog on the polygyny and my life as i see it and how i cope with it all

to start it off ... i would never have believe that i would have become very pro polygyny as i was surrounded by ppl who were always negative and always said i will never allow him to or he will have to divorce him and i found my self doing and thinking the same and even said it to him that i would never accept it and he would get annoyed but never got angry as he knew that one day i would change he knew me better than i knew myself 

it was the same when we made hijarah and i found that before this i was so fed up at listening to ppl that this was haram and that was haram but when i moved i found myself Islamicly and started to understand my deen the way i should and for myself so years later i really started to think about polygyny and found myself surfing the net and looking at blogs and i began to understand more up to the point that i was about to tell him to go find another as he was always traveling  and it would be the best solution  as i always worried about him  and knowing that he had another wife looking after him would ease my mind 

But before i could say it to him he came to me and at first my heart pounded by i knew Allah was with me so i asked him if he could be just between both and he said yes so i said ok ... he was so shocked as he thought i would get angry and explode but also knew that i would calm down and be behind him ... this is when everything change for us