Polygyny in Islam...repost

Asalamu alikum

Polygyny in Islam

Marriage to more than one wife at the same time - Polygyny ³ - is a practice as old as the history of man, and is allowed in Islamic law. Among others, Polygyny was well known to the Ancient Hebrews, Egyptians, Greeks, Persians, Assyrians, Japanese, Hindus, Russians and Germanic peoples.

All previous revealed religions practiced and condoned Polygyny. The Old and New Testaments are at the foremost in the list of the religious Books that legalized and practiced it. Many of the Prophets of Allah before Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon Him) entered into plural marriages. Prophet Abraham had two wives; Prophet Jacob had four wives; and Prophet David had ninety-nine wives (may Allah exalt their mention). Prophet Solomon (may Allah exalt their mention) had seven hundred wives who were free noble women, and three hundred other wives who were slave women. Nowhere does the law of the Prophet Moses (may Allah exalt their mention) set or determine a specific number of wives to which a husband was entitled. The compilers of the Talmud, who lived around Jerusalem, decided upon a certain number of wives for a man, and some Jewish scholars only permitted a second wife or more if the first wife was permanently ill or barren. Still other Jewish scholars did not permit plural marriages at all.

In the New Testament of the Bible, Jesus is commissioned to comply with and complete the Laws of Moses (may Allah exalt their mention) and we cannot find a single quote in the Bible that forbids plural marriage. The prohibition of plural marriages in Christianity came about only as a result of legislation set forth certain segments of the Christian church, and not by the original teachings of Christianity itself.

For this reason we find many examples of Christians taking multiple wives. The Irish king, Ditharmet, for instance, had two wives. King Frederick the Second had two wives with the church's approval. Thus, it must be noticed that prohibition was in the hands of the priests of the church, and not in accordance with any universally recognized original law of Jesus Christ himself (may Allah exalt their mention). Martin Luther, the German priest who first established the Protestant sect, considered plural marriage acceptable and advocated it on many occasions.

Polygyny was well known amongst pagan Arab tribes prior to the advent of Islam but there was no limitation for the number of wives, like in the cases of some of the Prophets mentioned above. With the advent of Islam, the Islamic law condoned Polygyny but a man was limited to only four wives, and specific rules regulated these marriages. There are numerous examples in the authentic traditions wherein the Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon Him) obligated those who had more than four wives, when they accepted Islam, to choose four and divorce the rest honorably. Allah, the Most Beneficent, said:

(And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan-girls, then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (the captives and the slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice.)

[4:3]

Thus we see that strict justice and fairness in treatment, and avoiding any injustice and wrong practices against all wives, is stipulated and conditional for those who wish to take more than one wife. The Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon Him) warned against favoritism saying:

"He who has two wives and is not just between them, he will come on the Day of Resurrection with one of his sides fallen."

[Abu Dawood #2133 & Tirmidhi #1141 and verified]

Justice and fairness, in this context, applies to material things such as expenditure, fair division of wealth, gifts, time, etc. As for emotional matters, such as love and inclination of the heart towards one wife over the other, it is recognized that man has no control over his innermost heart and emotions, as they are involuntary. Allah, the Most Beneficent, said:

(You will never be able to do perfect justice between wives even if it is your ardent desire (i.e. emotions of the heart), so do not incline too much to one of them (by giving her more of your time and provision) so as to leave the other hanging (i.e. neither divorced nor married). And if you do justice, and do all that is right and fear Allah by keeping away from all that is wrong, then Allah is Ever OftForgiving, Most Merciful)

[4:129]

Aishah, the mother of the believers and the wife of the Prophet (Peace be upon Him), narrated:

"The Prophet of Allah (Peace be upon Him) would distribute everything justly amongst his wives, then say:
O Allah! This is my division for what I possess, O Allah! Do not blame me for what You alone possess while I do not (i.e. emotions of the heart).

[Abu Da`wood, Tirmidhi others, but with a weak chain]

A man who is impotent should not seek any marriage since he is unable to fulfill its basic requirement. He who knows for sure that he is financially incapable of supporting another wife and household, is not allowed to seek another marriage, just as the bachelor who seeks to marry must strive to earn the wherewithal and must be able to sustain his wife and future children. As Allah says, and which can be taken as a general rule:

(And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allah enriches them with His Bounty.)

[34:33]

Let us take a look of some conditions that befall people of any society, and then assess whether Polygyny is a good solution for the problems that occur, and also the practice of Polygyny is in favor of a woman or against her! The following points prove that monogamy in many situations leads to promiscuity, prostitution or divorce:

1. If a woman is sterile and the husband is interested in having children, should he divorce the woman and marry a second wife? Or, if she chooses to stay married to him, should he take a second wife giving them both equal rights as his lawful wives?
2. If a wife is chronically ill and cannot maintain her marital relations with her husband, should he keep her and take a second wife wherein she remains perfectly honored, cared for and provided for by her husband? Or should he divorce her?
3. Some men are financially strong, and sexually demanding and potent with higher levels of hormonal testosterone. One wife may not be able to fulfill his lawful and natural sexual desire. If the menstrual period or after-birth-confinement period is notably longer than normal, or if she has no natural sexual desire to match that of the husband, or other scenarios, what is better for both husband and wife in such a case? Is it better for the man to remain frustrated and pent up, or seek unlawful sexual satisfaction outside the marriage? Or to acquire other lawful wives who can help to keep him chaste and satisfied?
4. In various parts of the world international and civil wars and other catastrophes often take their toll on men more than women. Even naturally, the demographic number of females, for various reasons, is often more than males in most countries. The best example of this is the case of the First World War, and the Second World War, which claimed the lives of an astronomical number of men who had participated in the fighting, with tens of millions of them being killed. In other trouble spots the disproportionate death ratios are similar. In such a case, if every man had only one wife, what would be the necessary destiny of the women left without lawful marriage to satisfy their social, financial and sexual needs? Some women may be tempted to satisfy their sexual desires in unlawful ways through fornication, lesbian activities or prostitution, a destabilizing factor for any society. The abundance of women without husbands, or male relatives to care and protect their interests, is one factor that helps spread corruption and illegitimate sexual activities in societies. What is better for a society and for such women in this case: to remain single and suffer all the consequences of life without marriage; or to accept to be a second wife with an honest, protective, honorable and chaste man?

Promiscuity unfortunately exists in all modern societies, but should it be legalized or condoned, as is the case under man-made laws, with all the social consequences? In most contemporary societies only monogamous marriage is legal, but extra martial relations are allowed as a socially acceptable substitute for the situations mentioned above, in the form of mistresses, girl friends, escort services, prostitution and common law marriages. These types of relationships have no merits of their own to stand on, and if the couple does not eventually get legally married, the illicit relationship often leads to abuse and conflict. These illicit relationships are only meant to fulfill sexual interests of the two parties involved without the responsibilities, and abuse the rights of the women in general. Legally it imposes no financial, social, or emotional obligations, and if the woman becomes pregnant, it is her own problem, with the illegitimate children left without the support of a family and sometimes abandoned to the social service system. Men, generally, are not obliged to admit the paternity of the child, thus not obliged to take financial responsibility for the child. Abortions proliferate in this kind of society. In accordance with Islamic law, a second, third, or fourth wife enjoys all the rights and privileges of the first wife without an iota of injustice or dishonor to her.

Adultery, fornication and all extramarital sexual relations are strictly forbidden in Islam and the prophet took all measures to protect the society from these social diseases which, if they become widespread, can only bring harm and destruction upon individuals, families, and the basic bond holding the society together as a whole. The following tradition shows the wisdom of the Prophet (Peace be upon Him) and patience in convincing a young virile man, by eloquent analogies, the injustice of double standards and the evils of wanton desires leading to fornication and adultery.No one would want his own female relatives to be exploited, used and abused, so how, then, can they allow themselves to exploit others?

An authentic tradition narrates:

"A young man came to the Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon Him) and asked:
"O Messenger of Allah, permit me (with special license) to commit fornication (and adultery)."
The people started to rebuke him harshly, but the Prophet sat close to him and asked: "Would you like it for your mother?
He replied "No, by Allah, may Allah make me a sacrifice for you!"
The Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon Him) said: "And thus the people do not like it for their mothers," and continued:
"Would you like it for your daughter?"
"No" he replied.
The Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon Him) said: "And thus the people do not like it for their daughters," and continued:
Would you like it for your paternal aunt?"
"No" he replied.
The Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon Him) said: "And thus the people do not like it for their paternal aunts," and asked:
"Would you like it for your maternal aunt?"
"No" he replied.
The Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon Him) said: "And thus the people do not like it for their maternal aunts." Then the Prophet (Peace be upon Him) put his hand on the youth and said: 'O Allah forgive his sin and purify his heart and make him chaste (fortify his abstinence from sexual sins).

[Ahmad #22265 and verified]

One might say that this tradition is a practical application of the golden rule as mentioned by the Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon Him):

"None of you [truly] believes until he loves for his brother that which he loves for himself."

[Bukhari #15 & Muslim #44]

Polygyny in the Islamic society is limited to four wives only; the marriages being performed lawfully with a proper marriage contract, witnesses, etc. The man must bear all financial burdens and responsibilities to his wives and children that arise from his marriages. All the children are legitimate and must be raised and cared for under the responsibility of both parents.

One might ask that, if we permit Polygyny for men, why is not polyandry permitted for women? The answer to this question is simple since numerous natural and physical reasons, as indicated above, preclude this as a viable option. Men in almost all societies of the world have the position, domination and authority over the households due to their natural endowment and strength. Even if, for argument's sake, we forego the idea of their strength and suppose that a woman has two or more husbands, the question will arise: who will have the ultimate authority and leadership of the home - as this would create harmful competition, jealousy, anger and hatred among the husbands and result in great destruction in the society.

Moreover, if a woman were allowed to be married to more than one man, who would be the legal father of the child she bears, and how would fatherhood be convincingly determined? What would happen to the demography of the society after some generations of this arrangement? Would the men be able to remain chaste within their marriage vows in such an arrangement with one wife, or would he be tempted into promiscuity? The answers to all these questions are obvious. Since a woman can only become pregnant approximately once a year and she can get pregnant by only one man at a time, while a man can naturally impregnate more than one woman on a continual basis, it follows that it is more logical and natural that the man has more than one wife and that she doesn't engage more than one husband.

Above all in Polygyny, the man is responsible for the provision of all of his wives and children, which keeps everything in order, while this is not the case in polyandry, thus impractical from any conceivable angle whatsoever. The following are statements of some Western thinkers who demanded Polygyny and considered it the only solution for the problems they were confronted with in their societies.

Gustav Le Bon, the well-known French thinker, says in his book Arabic Civilization:

"Polygyny enables the society to reduce social crisis, prevents the mistress problem and cures the society from illegitimate children."

Annie Besant, in her book on Indian Religions says:

"I read in the Old Testament that the closest friend to Allah, whose heart acts upon the Will of Allah, was polygynous. Moreover, the New Testament did not forbid Polygyny except for priests or ministers of the church, who were required to keep and maintain one wife only. Old Indian religious books also permitted Polygyny. It is easy, however, to criticize others in their religious practices. And that is what made people accuse Islam and attack it for its permission of Polygyny. However, it is strange that Westerners are against the restricted and limited Polygyny of the Muslims, while they suffer from wide scale prostitution and promiscuity in their own societies. A close examining look at the Western society illustrates that only a few pure, chaste and honest men respect their clean marital relationships and honor their marriage to one single wife and have no other sexual relationship outside marriage. It is an incorrect and inaccurate statement, therefore, to describe a community as monogamous, in which the men maintain a single marriage, while they are indeed having mistresses, girl friends and other means of sexual relationship outside the marriage to their legal and lawful wife.

If we were to be fair and just, we could see that Polygyny in Islam protects, honors, maintains and respects women in society. Polygyny is better than the Western prostitution that permits a man to have a mistress or a girl friend to fulfill his sexual desires with no respect to the feelings, emotions, needs and honor of the women. The man will disown that woman as soon as he gets his satisfaction. The man has no social commitment or obligation towards the mistress or the girl friend. She is only meant to fulfill his sexual needs of the moment and give him the company he needs temporarily. Even though some people declare both Polygyny and fornication or prostitution as bad and unacceptable, yet it is unfair for the non-Muslims to blame a Muslim for doing the same thing that he does while his society accepts and condones it."

Jawad, a well-known English scholar, says:

"The stiff British system which prevents Polygyny is an unfair and unacceptable system. It severely hurts approximately two million women who have become old maids. These women have lost their youth and were deprived of having children. Thus, these women were forced to throw away the moral values as one throws away the pit of a date."

Mobenar, a member of the previous French Parliament noted:

"There are two and a half million French girls now who cannot find a husband, if we assume that every French young man will marry only one woman. I frankly declare what I truly believe is that a woman will not enjoy a healthy life unless she becomes a mother. I believe that any law which passes a judgment that such a big number of the members of a society should live opposing, contradicting and neglecting to fulfill the natural laws of man on the Earth is but a cruel and savage law that contradicts the simplest meaning of justice and fairness."

In 1959, the United Nations published a special publication stating:
"This publication has proven, by numbers and statistics, that the entire world is now facing a growing problem of illegitimate children, as opposed to legitimate children. The number of illegitimate children has increased 60% in some countries. In Panama, for instance, the percentage of illegitimate births soared to 75% of the total number of births in the country. This means that three out of every four children are illegitimate, born outside of wedlock. The highest percentage of illegitimate births is stated to be in Latin America."

At the same time, the publication proves and indicates that the number of illegitimate births in the Islamic world is almost nil (in comparison with other countries). The editor of the publication goes on to say that Islamic countries are protected against such social problems and disease due to the fact that the people practice Polygyny.

I love you for the sake of Allah

Asalamu Alikum 

Love of Allah comes from the heart it isnt words that are spoken .... when dealing with polygyny and other wives we should truly mean when we say i love you for Allahs sake .. but the reality is alot dont it is words they say to please their husband but their hearts dont mean those words ....

Could you imagine the hasant their is in saying these words ..it means that you love Allah first and for his sake you will love everything around you even if you dont like it

True love for Allah can melt the heart in ways beyond our imaginations ..a feeling of warmth can take over because with this love comes a true connection with Allah

Look at this hadith

On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "Allah will say on the Day of Resurrection: 'Where are those who love one another through My glory? Today I shall give them shade in My shade, it being a day when there is no shade but My shade.'" [Bukhari (also by Malik).]


How blessed would you be to have the shade of Allah over you
and to know that this is because you truly loved for his sake ... you didnt do it because you were told to my other or because you wanted something in return something that would be of no benefit to you later down the road


I truly love you all for the sake of Allah and when i'm blessed with my cowife .. i will truly love her too not because she is married to our husband but because she is my sister in islam and i want for her what i want for my self ...ALLAHS LOVE

Time is coming

The time is coming soon again ... and this time i'm more relaxed than ever .. i dont stress over him and what he is doing or what will happen ... i believe in him that he knows what he is doing ..i also know that Allah is their every step of the way ... the last few were big lesson and i learned so much from them and they were big tests that i hope i have past 

The more relaxed i become the more i focus on myself  and see myself doing things i may not have done before ... i'm making plans for the future which has nothing to do with him but Allah ... i want to be closer to Allah and to have Allah be close to me and i say Alhamdu lilah for polygyny

Chin up ladies we can all do this and Allah knows this  we are stronger than we think and we need to push the shyatan away from us all

Why is polygyny always seen in the bad way

Asalamu alikum 

So why is it that polygyny is always seen in a bad way ...why do we make more of it than it should be ... if indeed we believe in Allah and the prophet saws and we follow the ways of the salaf ... then why is polygyny spoken of badly and why is it not practiced the way need be

Polygyny is often see in a bad way because of the way we go about it ... on one hand you have men wanting this And believe me ALL MEN want polygyny just they dont go about it for one reason or another and if you believe that your man isnt one of them then you need to seek3Allahs help because EVERY MAN does ...anyway the way men go about searching for the next wife doesnt help as alot of men will do this in serect and even once married cant bring themselves to tell their wife/wives  and because of this polygyny is seen in the wrong way 

Also one of the other reasons are because men arent being men they Allow their wives to rule what is done and how ...this cant be a man needs to take control of his home as this is his responsibility and he will be held accountable for his family as well as himself on the day of judgement  when women are let go and allowed to take charge their emotions always get the better of them and this is when the shyatan comes and gets involved ..he places ideas their that arent really their but makes you feel that it is something bigger than it actually is ... so for this reason men need to take the control back and he needs to prove that he is indeed a man and can lead his family to jannah

We also have the idea of polygyny being used as a way to break families up which isnt true ... what is written for each marriage is in fact that it is written ... in coming wives are not their to destroy a family she is their as Allah wrote for her to be their and the man she married is who she was intended to marry the fact is that he is also married to another .... until we allow our hearts and mind to believe in true qadar of Allah then we will always use the blame game and never see the truth behind it all 

 

Following the Sunnah

Asalamu alikum

Subhan Allah i think sometimes as human we tend to try to convince ourselves we can do it or take on anything given to us and in reality sometimes we can ... but i do believe that the best way to take on everything Allah has planned for us is to believe in him with our whole heart and to believe in the prophet (saws) too

Polygyny is a sunnah and it isnt fard but by followig the sunnah in the best manner we can it will lead us to a place better than we can ever imagine ... but in order to do this we must be true to ourselves and to Allah and ask Allah to guide us and help us in this time when we enter polygyny and with the blessings of Allah he will make is easy or a little easier on us 

The best way to go about this is to teach ourselves to submit to Allah and learn from the books he has made possible for us to learn from and study these to the point of finding that your heart is at ease even tho that once in polygyny it can be much harder than you thought but Allah does know best and he knows what we dont know and as long as you try to implement what he has told us

Just remember their are big rewards for everyone that enters polygyny and you may no see it in ths life but iN shaa Allah you will in the next life

SO TRUST IN ALLAH

What Stops us

Asalamu Alikum 

What is it that stops us from wanting polygyny or even looking into it ...we know the shaytan places alot of negative thoughts out their but also from ourselves we fear it 

My thoughts are that some ppl find distance a problem for example ..when ppl meet over the net or even through other parties but still from the net and everything is going well but you fear about moving their because you arent sure how it will turn out esp when women are involved ..we never know if our co wives are going to change and be the opposite of what they were before the move but the reality is even with out a move and your in the smae place we never know what will happen and thats when we need to place our trust in Allah and know he knows best 

The other things that stops us is the horror stories out their and we believe that it may happen to us ....but when you have complete trust in Allah and you believe in his Qadar then you know what ever happens is what has already be written 

It's this fear that the shyatan get a grip on and plays with and we need to stop letting he grab it .... when you place your self in Allahs hands and his trust then the fear will go and after that the shayatn has nothing else to do but go 

If i had let the fear of what has happened in the past with my ex co's then i wouldnt be here right now ... i do believe that each trial we go throught is their to help us along our path and to open our eyes to the power of Allah and what i in his hands ...so if i can let go and not allow the fear to take over then you all can

Why do some marriage dont work

Asalamu alikum

Why do marriage some breakdown and end up in divorce ...the answer to this is Allahu Alum ...Allah knows best as everything is in his hands 

Their are many reason as to why ... ppl fall out of love ... circumstance changes and many more reason ...one of the reason can be within the deen and that is from sihr ..ayn... and jinn ... and all of this will onlt work witht he permission of Allah  ...if your upon the haqq and doing everything Allah says for you to do ... like praying all salat on time and even doing the sunnah ones ..fasting .. reading quran everday .. saying your adkar every morning and evening  ...keeping yourself in wudu ..staying away form anything haram ... not watching certain things on tv .... not listen to music and so on 

If someone isnt doing this the only with what is written can sihr ..ayn and jinn afflict you ...and if you become afflicted it can lead to many problem .. like divorce ..as their are different types of magic that are place their to separated husband from wife and the jinn that come to help make this work will do everything to make it happen .... 

. Sihr of Separation
Allah (swt) says: (...and they follow what the Shayateens recited over Sulayman's Kingdom. Sulayman disbelieved not but the Shayateens disbelieved, teaching the people sorcery, and that which was sent down upon Babylon's two angels, Harut and Marut; they taught not any man, without they said, 'We are but a temptation; do not disbelieve.' From them they learned how they might divide a man and his wife, yet they did not hurt any man thereby, save by the leave of Allah (swt), and they learnt what hurt them and did not profit them, knowing well that whosoever buys it shall have no share in the world to come; evil then was that they sold themselves for; if they had but known.) (2:102)

Jabir (ra) reported that the Prophet (saw) said: "Iblis would lay his throne on water and would send his brigade of demons. The lowest among them in rank is the one who is most notorious in stirring up fitna. One of the demons would, after a mission, come and say to Iblis, 'I have done so and so.' Iblis would reply, 'You have not done anything.' Another one would come and say: 'I have not left such and such person until I separated him from his wife.' Iblis would come closer to his demon and say, 'How good you are.'" - (Muslim in An-Nawawi : 17/157)

Definition of Sihr of Separation
It is a Sihr which aims to separate between two spouses, or stir up hatred between two friends or two partners.

Symptoms of Sihr of Separation:
1. A sudden change in attitude from love to hate.
2. Exaggerating the causes of disputes between two people, even though they may be trivial.
3. Changing the mental image that a woman may have of her husband, or changing the mental image that a man may have of his wife; so that the man would see his wife in an ugly way, even though she were beautiful. In reality, it is the demon who is entrusted with the task of performing this type of Sihr is the one who would appear to the husband in her person, but in an ugly way. By the same token, the woman would see her husband in a horrible way.

4. The person affected by Sihr hates anything the other party does.
5.The person affected by Sihr hates the place in which the other party stays. For instance, a husband may be in good mood when he is outdoors, but when he returns home, he feels quiete depressed.
According to Al-Hafidh Ibn Kathir, the cause of separation between two spouses through this Sihr is that each of them appears to the other as an ugly or ill-mannered person. - (Tafsir lbn Kathir: 1/144)

these are just some of the thing that a person see or feels and the jinn will work on it till he reaches his goal

So before ending a marriage think well and see if their is any thing else their causing this ... it could be that finding something may help your marriage or it could be just the time is up and it is written for you not to continue in this marriage 

I do hope and pray that all of you will never have to go through stuff like this that your marriages will go from strength to strength

Always remember Allah and  and ask for his help first before everything else

How to go about polygyny

Asalamu Alikum

How to deal with polygyny

Well the time has come and he is looking for no 2/3/4 and you sit waiting to see if he has found her at this time shyatan will come to you and your mind will go with what he whispers ..you will start to  think what if's and placing yourself in a situation and wondering how it will work out ... this is the shyatans way to place doubts in your mid and trying to put a stop to it

The best thing to do is not even think about it let it be and get on with your normal life do your daily things and leave it in Allahs hands and when the time comes and he has found someone then you cantry to either get along with her or not ... 

And the time he is with her this is the time to find yourself and do things for yourself that you may have not been able to do before

Dont allow yourself to be engulf  in what is going on with them worry about your own marriage and the life you built with him ... yes i know that you wont see him as much but the time you do see him make it worth it

The emotions we go through

Asalamu alikum

So once you are told or you find out that he is intending to marry or has gone through with it your body fills with emotions ...some women will scream some will cry some will throw thing and some wont do nothing at all ... no matter what it is we all go through some type of emotions  it is how we deal with them is the answer 

I do believe that reaching out to Allah at times like this is the best way as he knows us better than we know ourselves cry if you need to but cry to Allah make dua ask him to take away the feelings your having the pain your feeling 

We will never understand why Allah made men this way but he did and now we need to try to get by by asking Allah to help us 

Even the most pro polygyny ppl can have those day where she feels like she wants to scream but knowing that this maybe the biggest test she will ever have is enough to know that Allah loves her to test her this way so we should all think in this way .... i know it is easier said than done and women are made with so much emotions that it takes over

But remember

Love yourself enough to Allow yourself to take this test head on

The Beginning

Asalamu alikum

I have started many blogs and in the end took them off as i found that maybe just maybe their was too much info out their and i need to respect certain ppl i also needed to change the way i spoke about my life and my family and polygyny in general

I found that when nothing was happening i had nothing to write so i will base this blog on the polygyny and my life as i see it and how i cope with it all

to start it off ... i would never have believe that i would have become very pro polygyny as i was surrounded by ppl who were always negative and always said i will never allow him to or he will have to divorce him and i found my self doing and thinking the same and even said it to him that i would never accept it and he would get annoyed but never got angry as he knew that one day i would change he knew me better than i knew myself 

it was the same when we made hijarah and i found that before this i was so fed up at listening to ppl that this was haram and that was haram but when i moved i found myself Islamicly and started to understand my deen the way i should and for myself so years later i really started to think about polygyny and found myself surfing the net and looking at blogs and i began to understand more up to the point that i was about to tell him to go find another as he was always traveling  and it would be the best solution  as i always worried about him  and knowing that he had another wife looking after him would ease my mind 

But before i could say it to him he came to me and at first my heart pounded by i knew Allah was with me so i asked him if he could be just between both and he said yes so i said ok ... he was so shocked as he thought i would get angry and explode but also knew that i would calm down and be behind him ... this is when everything change for us