How much should we get Involved

Asalamu Alikum 

So how much is too much 

When a husband comes to his wife and tells her that he wants to remarry it can go many ways one of the ways it can go is that his wife is fine about it which leads the husband to ask her to help him in finding a wife and she agrees ... now this is where we ask how much is too much 

Some women use this as a way to control who he marries and hat happens within that marriage which can cause alot of fitnah and some women choose to only get involved when asked and that is to meet the sister and talk ..but even with this it can cause problem as their are women who dont like the fact the first wife is involved as they dont see it is her business as they are marring the man and not the wife 

But the problem here is that their are men out their that want to have their wives involved it's a way of helping her to come to terms with the whole polygyny thing and to make her feel wanted even if she wants this for him it still shows her that she's important 

It is up to the women if this is what she wants, when all wives are on board it can be a great thing it's a cause for sisterhood  and helping the family grow together and when all are upon the deen then their can be less fitnah

Their also should be limits set and those shouldnt be over stepped ... if the first wife is involved she should wan the best for her husband and want someone who will help him enter jannah not someone who is fatter or skinner than her who isnt beautiful who is bad within the deen as this wont help and may cause alot of friction in the marriage or both marriages .... when we allow shyatan to get into our head and place such ideas their we are asking for a disaster but when we place everything in Allahs hand and ask only for the best and want only the best ..thats when we come to realise that your husband will love you more and you will find that you wont be as involved in the process of him finding a wife 

With the experience i have gone through within my life in and out of polygyny i have come to believe that making a friendship with the sister is great but thats what it should be a friendship and not a way to control what goes on between them both ... if she comes and asks for advice then yes do give but put yourself out of the equation and see it form a sister to sister thing and not a wife to wife thing as this can cause you not to give the right advice

So in reality It is up to the ppl involved as to how much is too much