Following the Sunnah

Asalamu alikum

Subhan Allah i think sometimes as human we tend to try to convince ourselves we can do it or take on anything given to us and in reality sometimes we can ... but i do believe that the best way to take on everything Allah has planned for us is to believe in him with our whole heart and to believe in the prophet (saws) too

Polygyny is a sunnah and it isnt fard but by followig the sunnah in the best manner we can it will lead us to a place better than we can ever imagine ... but in order to do this we must be true to ourselves and to Allah and ask Allah to guide us and help us in this time when we enter polygyny and with the blessings of Allah he will make is easy or a little easier on us 

The best way to go about this is to teach ourselves to submit to Allah and learn from the books he has made possible for us to learn from and study these to the point of finding that your heart is at ease even tho that once in polygyny it can be much harder than you thought but Allah does know best and he knows what we dont know and as long as you try to implement what he has told us

Just remember their are big rewards for everyone that enters polygyny and you may no see it in ths life but iN shaa Allah you will in the next life

SO TRUST IN ALLAH

What Stops us

Asalamu Alikum 

What is it that stops us from wanting polygyny or even looking into it ...we know the shaytan places alot of negative thoughts out their but also from ourselves we fear it 

My thoughts are that some ppl find distance a problem for example ..when ppl meet over the net or even through other parties but still from the net and everything is going well but you fear about moving their because you arent sure how it will turn out esp when women are involved ..we never know if our co wives are going to change and be the opposite of what they were before the move but the reality is even with out a move and your in the smae place we never know what will happen and thats when we need to place our trust in Allah and know he knows best 

The other things that stops us is the horror stories out their and we believe that it may happen to us ....but when you have complete trust in Allah and you believe in his Qadar then you know what ever happens is what has already be written 

It's this fear that the shyatan get a grip on and plays with and we need to stop letting he grab it .... when you place your self in Allahs hands and his trust then the fear will go and after that the shayatn has nothing else to do but go 

If i had let the fear of what has happened in the past with my ex co's then i wouldnt be here right now ... i do believe that each trial we go throught is their to help us along our path and to open our eyes to the power of Allah and what i in his hands ...so if i can let go and not allow the fear to take over then you all can

“Now I know how valuable you were”

Asalamu alikum

I really want to share this with you all .. i cam across it today and thought it may be helpful to someone out their

“Now I know how valuable you were”

Even though she was tired and exhausted, she refused to sleep after fajr prayer like he does, just so she can wake him up for work on time…
She woke him up after going through so much trouble to do so, only for him to wake up angry at her, saying: “Ugh, No relaxation ever comes from you!”, That is her daily “Thank you”.
He comes back from work, exhausted and finds the house clean, food ready, the kids and her waiting, happy faces excited for his return.
However, he comes in a grumpy mood, not uttering even a single joke to his kids. Eats a little and sleeps so he can later join his friends on a night out.
She does not tell him about the children’s problems to not burden him any further. Even so, when she is unable to find solutions, she feels the need to share with him some of the problems, thinking “They are his kids as well, maybe he will help”. But alas, he refuses and tells her that he has too many things on his plate to think about her and the kids.
Eventually, the kids grew up, and each have their own lives, leaving her alone and empty. Her life now revolves around her husband, no one to talk to and no one to spend time with.
She told him one day after she woke him up, “Stay with me today, I would love for us to talk. Every day you come back, eat, take a nap then off you go to spend the rest of the day with your friends”
So he scolds her, and tells her that he needs to spend some time away from her depressed-looking face, “You mean nothing to me”.
She smiled that sad smile of her, and a tear dropped on her cheek, she went to her room while he left to meet his friends.
He comes back home only to find her lifeless body lying on her bed, a single tear left his eye when he put her in her grave, and his sadness kept increasing every time a person offered his condolences.
He goes back home and finds no one waiting for him, the house felt quite and depressing, but he kept telling himself that he will get used to it.
He went to his room to sleep… the sun rose… he wakes up and finds himself late for work.
He calls her to scold her, how could she leave him sleep in!? Then all of a sudden, he remembers. She passed away. He started crying, for she is now a memory.
He remembers how all she wanted was a nice word from him, how she wished he could spend one day with her, instead of spending it with his friends. He remembers how she endured his insults, and matched them with smiles and choked tears. Oh, how she lived her life to serve him and their children. Now I know how valuable you were.
——
Will you remain like this dear husband, not knowing how valuable your wife is? Not treating her with the respect that she deserves? Remember, you are where she finds love, pleasure and security, Allah the Almighty says:
{هُوَ الَّذِي خَلَقَكُمْ مِنْ نَفْسٍ وَاحِدَةٍ وَجَعَلَ مِنْهَا زَوْجَهَا لِيَسْكُنَ إِلَيْهَا}
{It is He Who created you from a single person, and made his mate of like nature, in order that he might dwell with her (in love)} [Al-A’raf:187].
Dear wife,
You, who Allah honoured and made you embraced by the Ummah’s men and women. You, who Allah made to be the teacher and carer for whom he blessed the most out of his creation; the human being. Make your work and your troubles for the sake of Allah the Almighty, for he alone can reward you. Do not hurt if your children disobey you, do not care if your husband ignores you. Let your priority be the pleasure of Allah the merciful, and work for his sake.
Dear husband,
You should know that whoever is kind to them (the wife) is a kind person, and whoever insults them, is a mean person. The Prophet (Peace be upon Him) said: ‘The best of you is he who is best to his family (i.e wife), and I am the best among you to my family, whoever is kind to the women, is a kind person, and whoever insults them, is a mean person ‘ (Al-Jami’us sagheer: [4102])
Did you see, o husband? “Whoever insults them, is a mean person”, the Prophet didn’t use the word stingy or selfish, he used the word mean, which is the worst trait a one can have as it means the person is ignoble and lacks in dignity.
I ask Allah to harmonize between our hearts, fix our inner conditions, guide us to the ways of peace, and take us out from darkness to light, Ameen

How much should we get Involved

Asalamu Alikum 

So how much is too much 

When a husband comes to his wife and tells her that he wants to remarry it can go many ways one of the ways it can go is that his wife is fine about it which leads the husband to ask her to help him in finding a wife and she agrees ... now this is where we ask how much is too much 

Some women use this as a way to control who he marries and hat happens within that marriage which can cause alot of fitnah and some women choose to only get involved when asked and that is to meet the sister and talk ..but even with this it can cause problem as their are women who dont like the fact the first wife is involved as they dont see it is her business as they are marring the man and not the wife 

But the problem here is that their are men out their that want to have their wives involved it's a way of helping her to come to terms with the whole polygyny thing and to make her feel wanted even if she wants this for him it still shows her that she's important 

It is up to the women if this is what she wants, when all wives are on board it can be a great thing it's a cause for sisterhood  and helping the family grow together and when all are upon the deen then their can be less fitnah

Their also should be limits set and those shouldnt be over stepped ... if the first wife is involved she should wan the best for her husband and want someone who will help him enter jannah not someone who is fatter or skinner than her who isnt beautiful who is bad within the deen as this wont help and may cause alot of friction in the marriage or both marriages .... when we allow shyatan to get into our head and place such ideas their we are asking for a disaster but when we place everything in Allahs hand and ask only for the best and want only the best ..thats when we come to realise that your husband will love you more and you will find that you wont be as involved in the process of him finding a wife 

With the experience i have gone through within my life in and out of polygyny i have come to believe that making a friendship with the sister is great but thats what it should be a friendship and not a way to control what goes on between them both ... if she comes and asks for advice then yes do give but put yourself out of the equation and see it form a sister to sister thing and not a wife to wife thing as this can cause you not to give the right advice

So in reality It is up to the ppl involved as to how much is too much

Why do some marriage dont work

Asalamu alikum

Why do marriage some breakdown and end up in divorce ...the answer to this is Allahu Alum ...Allah knows best as everything is in his hands 

Their are many reason as to why ... ppl fall out of love ... circumstance changes and many more reason ...one of the reason can be within the deen and that is from sihr ..ayn... and jinn ... and all of this will onlt work witht he permission of Allah  ...if your upon the haqq and doing everything Allah says for you to do ... like praying all salat on time and even doing the sunnah ones ..fasting .. reading quran everday .. saying your adkar every morning and evening  ...keeping yourself in wudu ..staying away form anything haram ... not watching certain things on tv .... not listen to music and so on 

If someone isnt doing this the only with what is written can sihr ..ayn and jinn afflict you ...and if you become afflicted it can lead to many problem .. like divorce ..as their are different types of magic that are place their to separated husband from wife and the jinn that come to help make this work will do everything to make it happen .... 

. Sihr of Separation
Allah (swt) says: (...and they follow what the Shayateens recited over Sulayman's Kingdom. Sulayman disbelieved not but the Shayateens disbelieved, teaching the people sorcery, and that which was sent down upon Babylon's two angels, Harut and Marut; they taught not any man, without they said, 'We are but a temptation; do not disbelieve.' From them they learned how they might divide a man and his wife, yet they did not hurt any man thereby, save by the leave of Allah (swt), and they learnt what hurt them and did not profit them, knowing well that whosoever buys it shall have no share in the world to come; evil then was that they sold themselves for; if they had but known.) (2:102)

Jabir (ra) reported that the Prophet (saw) said: "Iblis would lay his throne on water and would send his brigade of demons. The lowest among them in rank is the one who is most notorious in stirring up fitna. One of the demons would, after a mission, come and say to Iblis, 'I have done so and so.' Iblis would reply, 'You have not done anything.' Another one would come and say: 'I have not left such and such person until I separated him from his wife.' Iblis would come closer to his demon and say, 'How good you are.'" - (Muslim in An-Nawawi : 17/157)

Definition of Sihr of Separation
It is a Sihr which aims to separate between two spouses, or stir up hatred between two friends or two partners.

Symptoms of Sihr of Separation:
1. A sudden change in attitude from love to hate.
2. Exaggerating the causes of disputes between two people, even though they may be trivial.
3. Changing the mental image that a woman may have of her husband, or changing the mental image that a man may have of his wife; so that the man would see his wife in an ugly way, even though she were beautiful. In reality, it is the demon who is entrusted with the task of performing this type of Sihr is the one who would appear to the husband in her person, but in an ugly way. By the same token, the woman would see her husband in a horrible way.

4. The person affected by Sihr hates anything the other party does.
5.The person affected by Sihr hates the place in which the other party stays. For instance, a husband may be in good mood when he is outdoors, but when he returns home, he feels quiete depressed.
According to Al-Hafidh Ibn Kathir, the cause of separation between two spouses through this Sihr is that each of them appears to the other as an ugly or ill-mannered person. - (Tafsir lbn Kathir: 1/144)

these are just some of the thing that a person see or feels and the jinn will work on it till he reaches his goal

So before ending a marriage think well and see if their is any thing else their causing this ... it could be that finding something may help your marriage or it could be just the time is up and it is written for you not to continue in this marriage 

I do hope and pray that all of you will never have to go through stuff like this that your marriages will go from strength to strength

Always remember Allah and  and ask for his help first before everything else

How to go about polygyny

Asalamu Alikum

How to deal with polygyny

Well the time has come and he is looking for no 2/3/4 and you sit waiting to see if he has found her at this time shyatan will come to you and your mind will go with what he whispers ..you will start to  think what if's and placing yourself in a situation and wondering how it will work out ... this is the shyatans way to place doubts in your mid and trying to put a stop to it

The best thing to do is not even think about it let it be and get on with your normal life do your daily things and leave it in Allahs hands and when the time comes and he has found someone then you cantry to either get along with her or not ... 

And the time he is with her this is the time to find yourself and do things for yourself that you may have not been able to do before

Dont allow yourself to be engulf  in what is going on with them worry about your own marriage and the life you built with him ... yes i know that you wont see him as much but the time you do see him make it worth it

The emotions we go through

Asalamu alikum

So once you are told or you find out that he is intending to marry or has gone through with it your body fills with emotions ...some women will scream some will cry some will throw thing and some wont do nothing at all ... no matter what it is we all go through some type of emotions  it is how we deal with them is the answer 

I do believe that reaching out to Allah at times like this is the best way as he knows us better than we know ourselves cry if you need to but cry to Allah make dua ask him to take away the feelings your having the pain your feeling 

We will never understand why Allah made men this way but he did and now we need to try to get by by asking Allah to help us 

Even the most pro polygyny ppl can have those day where she feels like she wants to scream but knowing that this maybe the biggest test she will ever have is enough to know that Allah loves her to test her this way so we should all think in this way .... i know it is easier said than done and women are made with so much emotions that it takes over

But remember

Love yourself enough to Allow yourself to take this test head on

The Beginning

Asalamu alikum

I have started many blogs and in the end took them off as i found that maybe just maybe their was too much info out their and i need to respect certain ppl i also needed to change the way i spoke about my life and my family and polygyny in general

I found that when nothing was happening i had nothing to write so i will base this blog on the polygyny and my life as i see it and how i cope with it all

to start it off ... i would never have believe that i would have become very pro polygyny as i was surrounded by ppl who were always negative and always said i will never allow him to or he will have to divorce him and i found my self doing and thinking the same and even said it to him that i would never accept it and he would get annoyed but never got angry as he knew that one day i would change he knew me better than i knew myself 

it was the same when we made hijarah and i found that before this i was so fed up at listening to ppl that this was haram and that was haram but when i moved i found myself Islamicly and started to understand my deen the way i should and for myself so years later i really started to think about polygyny and found myself surfing the net and looking at blogs and i began to understand more up to the point that i was about to tell him to go find another as he was always traveling  and it would be the best solution  as i always worried about him  and knowing that he had another wife looking after him would ease my mind 

But before i could say it to him he came to me and at first my heart pounded by i knew Allah was with me so i asked him if he could be just between both and he said yes so i said ok ... he was so shocked as he thought i would get angry and explode but also knew that i would calm down and be behind him ... this is when everything change for us